grace

a lot has happened since my last post. some of it has been really good, & some of it has totally sucked, but i'm getting through.

i've moved to baltimore. so, yes, i'm continuing to move. i'll be here for a bit--& generally i really like the city. i've made amazing friends & i feel like the person i used to be when i was living in manhattan. school is a bit harder than i expected, a little like junior high, but what can you do? keep out of as much bs as possible, & try to get what you need from the experience. i'm doing that. i think.

my grandfather passed away just a few weeks ago. it's been really difficult for me--more so than i anticipated. &, after the first thanksgiving w/o him, i'm a little nostalgic for the old days. i miss our private conversations; i was much closer to him than i realized.

i think that's the toughest thing. he & i were close, sure, but i didn't realize how much i relied on his approval & attention. he was this classic male figure in my life--strong & quiet...

i came to my parent's for thanksgiving. it's been a little strange to be back--i got thrown into the life i had before almost immediately. somehow it's like i never left. in other ways, i feel miles away from everyone. also, after the last week, i don't know, i find it hard to be ok w/myself.

i've been working on grace.

which is exactly what i need. especially back here. especially when it becomes clearer every day how poorly i've handled certain situations. especially when i'm beginning to understand that some things don't get better with time.